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You know those people who appear calm in any situation – those people that everyone looks to and follows in an emergency?  Do you want to be one of those people?

Appearing calm is a big advantage in a tense situation.  It is something I had to learn as a mom of a child with severe medical disabilities.  My son has severe epilepsy and he has seizures on a regular basis. He is super tough and his seizures don’t hurt him but they are very scary to watch for people who aren’t used to them.

If I seem calm and in control while my son is having a seizure, the people around me tend to be calm and trust that he is ok.  If I show any signs of stress or worry, the people around me tend to get very concerned and the situation can escalate quickly.

Learn How To Appear Calm In Any Situation

Even doctors and nurses seem to take their cue from me.  When I take him into the hospital, if I am calm, they are calm and they follow our procedure set up by his doctors.  One time, I was up late the day before with another sick child and I had a headache so my voice betrayed stress.  That little bit of stress changed the whole situation.  The medical team read my stress as a sign that this seizure was more serious and severe and it was treated as a full emergency.

I learned that day not to underestimate the importance of my ability to appear calm even when I might not feel calm.  My stress caused my son to have to undergo many unnecessary tests.  I made the commitment not to let that happen again.

As a parent there are many times we might feel stress, worry, or anxiety, but we want our kids to feel calm and safe.  Appearing calm in hard situations can help our families and help us.  But how do you do it?

How To Appear Calm In Any Situation:

  • Tone – The tone of your voice refers to how high or low the pitch of your voice is.  When your voice is too high, people interpret that as you feeling stressed or angry, out of control, and/or untrustworthy.
    People interpret a low tone of voice as anger, patronizing, or not intelligent.
    In order to appear calm and in control, try to keep the tone of your voice right in the middle – not too high or too low.
  • Volume – Volume is how loudly you are speaking.  Most of us know that a loud voice seems angry and/or out of control.  Speaking too softly is also bad in a tense situation because it seems afraid.
    Try to keep your voice in a nice natural volume that is not too loud but not to soft.
  • Rhythm – The speed of your voice is another important thing to be aware of if you want to appear calm in a tense situation.  When we speak too fast, we seem stressed, worried, angry, and/or out of control.
    When we speak too slow, we seem angry, bored, or not very reliable depending on the tone.
    A steady, natural rhythm of your voice helps you appear calm and in control of your emotions.

This takes practice and it is helpful to ask people if you are not sure how your voice sounds.  Recording yourself is also helpful.  There are obviously other factors that help us appear calm.  We should be careful to limit our hand gestures and keep our hands away from our hair.  We should also be careful with what we say, but how we speak has much more power than what we say when we are trying to appear calm and in control.

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Posted by Frugal Mommy

Hi I’m Heather, a busy, happy and very frugal mom of 8 amazing kids! My journey to become a mom of 8 has been a bumpy one that has included infertility, being a foster parent, adoption, and special needs parenting. I share the things I've learned raising my big unique family.

32 Comments

  1. These are some great tips!!! Stay calm is always the best solution!

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    1. Thanks

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  2. We do set the tone and the atmosphere by our voice and inflections. I am not very successful at staying calm…. sometimes…. these are great tips. And I also always try to remember to take a few big breathes – in and out – before I speak!

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    1. The big breaths are great especially if they are in private.

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  3. These are really great suggestions for staying calm in a stressful situation. Giving the semblance of order and normalcy is key to keeping those around us calm too. It helps others to see that we have everything under control!
    Denay DeGuzman recently posted…Guinness Shepherd’s Pie | The Best Irish Comfort FoodMy Profile

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    1. Thank you!

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  4. I love the example that you used with your son’s seizure. I also love that you have a medical team around you that takes your reaction to what is going on seriously. It sounds like you have a very good team for your son.
    Ashley recently posted…Tips for a Relaxing Vacation with KidsMy Profile

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    1. I do and that really helps but I have had the same experience with health professionals I don’t know.

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  5. I totally agree with you! As a mom, we always set the tone of any situation and that is so important! Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. You’re welcome!

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  6. Wow. You definitely have been able to master this given the situations you have been in. It’s still a big challenge for me.

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    1. It takes time and practice.

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  7. I’m the anchor for tomorrow’s Women’s Day celebration. This is just what I needed to not freak out! Thanks! 🙂

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    1. Congratulations! How exciting! I am so glad this helps!

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  8. Nice list of tips – it makes such a difference if you can remain calm!

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    1. Thank you!

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  9. Good to know. I’ll put these tips to practice ASAP

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  10. Great tips! And so important to stay calm in from of kids!

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    1. Yes it is.

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  11. That makes total sense, but I’m guessing you’ve also had a lot of practice. I’ll admit that I have not always been calm (inwardly or outwardly) when faced with an emergency, but I think I will make a conscious effort.

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    1. I have had a lot of practice and that really helps.

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  12. These are really great tips! There are a few people in my life who could use these!

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    1. Thanks

      Reply

  13. These are really great tips! It can be so hard to remain calm in stressful situations but, like you said, it’s so important!

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    1. Yes it is hard but it gets easier.

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  14. This is an amazing piece. My son is autistic, and I know that people around us take their cues for us. If I am calm about his meltdown, than those around us trust that everything is okay. In those moment when I get stressed out, then people around us freak out more. Thank you for these great tips! <3

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    1. I can really relate to the meltdowns. Isn’t it both humbling and inspiring to know how much influence we have on those situations?

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  15. This is great for all moms things make me feel like that painting the scream

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  16. Great tips- I also find body language to be very telling.

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    1. Yes it is.

      Reply

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