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Ok are you ready for a big announcement?  No one is perfect. I know, I can see you rolling your eyes.  We all know that right?  Except we don’t.  We see another mom who seems to have everything together and we think she’s perfect.  We should be perfect like her.  All of those moms making amazing things on Pinterest must be perfect moms right? NO.  NO ONE is perfect.

I am definitely not perfect. 

I’m sure that doesn’t come as a shock to most of you.  But I have been told twice this week that I am “the perfect mom.”  Ugh. I can tell you that my kids were not the ones that said that.

The perfect mom doesn’t exist.  I love love love my kids.  I try to be a good mom and I try to make sure my kids know I love them.  I also lose my patience, and have serious mom fails very frequently.  My kids have cereal for dinner at least once a month.  There is a large pile of clothes in my laundry room. And there is almost always at least one totally messy room in my house – if it’s a room with a door, I call it a win.

The things I know and do well, I learned by making a lot of mistakes.   Luckily for me, my kids are super resilient and forgiving and they are good at seeing the positive.

Trying to be a perfect mom can make you miss precious moments.

No matter how hard we try, we will never be perfect moms.  I think most of us understand that in theory, but we spend so much time feeling guilty that we aren’t perfect.

Do you relate to these mistakes?  You spend all week planning the perfect birthday party for your daughter and on the day of the party, the cake doesn’t turn out so you can’t enjoy the party.  You get your daughter ready for her dance recital and she does really well but all you can see is that her hair came loose and now her perfect hair-do is ruined.

Yes, we need to do our best as moms but we need to let go of the idea that any of our efforts will ever be perfect.

Not Perfect - Perfectly Imperfect

Comparing is a losing game. Each of us have different strengths.

We tend to compare our weaknesses to other people’s strengths.  That makes us feel as though we aren’t good enough and forget about our strengths.  I have friends who are seriously so creative!  Every event they host is beautiful and amazing with hand made invitations and decorations that would make most wedding receptions look a little drab.   I have none of those talents.  My natural instinct is drive myself crazy to make my kids’ parties as amazing as theirs or not to throw parties because it would never be perfect.   Happily, I have learned to be ok with my lack luster, totally un-Pinterest worthy parties as long as my kids are happy.  I have different talents and my kids lives won’t be ruined if their parties aren’t perfect.

If we start thinking we need to be the best at anything parenting related we will just end up resenting other moms and driving ourselves crazy.  Parenting should be about you and your children not about what other moms are doing.

Different children need different parenting styles and different strengths in their parents.  You are the right parent for your children.  Your strengths are the ones they need.  Develop your own talents and use your strengths to be the best parent you can be.  If you spend all your time trying to be like someone else, you might be depriving your children of something only you can give them.

Let’s use our strengths to lift and support each other!

When we realize that we all have different strengths, we are less likely to shame other moms.  When we see other moms struggling or making mistakes, lets help them and build them up.  Since not one of us are perfect, that means that we have all made mistakes.  It is rare for parents to do thing intentionally to hurt their children.  We are all trying to do our best.  Let’s be kinder to each other.  Other parenting styles can be just as valid as our own.  (Before you mention that some parents do abuse their children, I know.  I have 6 children who came from abusive homes.  It happens and it’s heartbreaking.  But most of the things we judge other moms for is not that, and knowing what real abuse is makes it hard for me to hear people say it’s abuse to let your kids play in the front yard.)

We don’t know what is going on in a family from one picture on the internet or 5 minutes with them in the store.  Maybe that mom is suffering from postpartum depression and desperately needs help. Maybe that child throwing a tantrum in the store may have autism or another disability that makes it difficult for him to process all of the noise and chaos in a busy store.

We all need each other.  We need kindness, strength, and support in this difficult but amazing journey of parenting.  None of us are perfect, and either are our kids.  Don’t let your weaknesses make you forget your strengths.  Don’t waste time and energy trying to be like someone else.  And let’s stop judging other people, and starting building them up.

 

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Posted by Frugal Mommy

Hi I’m Heather, a busy, happy and very frugal mom of 8 amazing kids! My journey to become a mom of 8 has been a bumpy one that has included infertility, being a foster parent, adoption, and special needs parenting. I share the things I've learned raising my big unique family.

9 Comments

  1. Such great advice Heather! I also need help with “you can’t do everything!” speech because I am known to take too much on and be too nice sometimes! I myself just need to slow down. However, I am sure you have heard that before or have lived it! Thank you for pep talk and realization because it is so hard to do it.

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  2. Great advice. Moms need to stick together and not judge each other. We all have our own talents. God made us all different to compliment each other, not read each other down.

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    1. I agree!

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  3. People who think they are perfect parents are usually just bad parents. Or deluded.

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    1. Or they have been lucky and haven’t had to deal with a real challenge yet.

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    1. Thank you so much Linda!

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  4. I couldn’t agree more. As a recovering perfectionist, which I learned from my mom, I know there’s no such as perfection. And trying to find it will always leave us feeling short. So instead I choose to enjoy each moment than focus on how imperfect it is, because that’s where life happens and it’s a pretty fun ride!

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    1. Yes! The things I try to make perfect get forgotten but the moments I let just happen are the ones my kids remember!

      Reply

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